Kitima Sunday Buffet - A steal

The words "all you can eat" and "buffet" - when used in one sentence - are generally enough to strike fear deep into my soul. I stay way from these offers the same way I wouldn't go to Pep and buy "all the clothes I could wear".  The point I'm making is that quality, as a rule of thumb, is compromised at these special offerings. But, as they say, there is always an exception to the rule. In this case it is Kitima in Hout Bay. 

I used to go there for their Sunday buffet pretty often. Too often probably. I got a bit tired of it. But, after enjoying a birthday party for The Gym Nazi a few weeks ago, and after seeing their new cocktail lounge, I was keen to give it another go. I had given it more than a year and figured I was ready. 

Those of you who haven't been to Kitima will be floored by how beautiful the decor is. The venue is an old manor house and the place has been beautifully restored in a combination of colours and fabrics. Deep reds and blues are offset by delicate silks, lavish ornaments and over-the-top mirrors with gold frames. There are thick carpets running along dark wooden floors, stunning details on pressed ceilings and a new outside area beneath a bedouin tent. The new cocktail bar (I think it's called Raya Lounge?) is also a skoochie addition and a perfect place to have drinks before your meal. Or after. Or during. Or before, after and during. 

I have never eaten from their regular menu but in terms of what they throw out for a buffet you are spoilt for choice. There's sushi, duck springrolls, steamed dumplings, fried wontons, wok-fried noodles, tom-yum soup, pastries, green curries, beef stews and more. With nobody being able to tell me where the meet came from I stuck to sushi and vegetable dishes and nailed a creme brulee or two at the end. While nothing was mind-blowing, nothing was disappointing and at R195 per head I've got to say it is still the bargain I remember it as. 

As I have a habit of doing, I made up for the savings on food by ordering expensive wine and drinking too much of it but they had Moreson 2008 Premium Chardonnay. I mean, come now. If you can control yourself better than I did you can leave having enjoyed brilliant value-for-money. 

The buffet ends at 15h30 so book early (we went at 12h00) and settle in for a long, boozy lunch. There's no rush. I mean...it's Sunday. In Hout Bay.

Cheers,

Jamie Who 

Twankey Bar - You will be sick of me very soon

We've spoken about the foodie club before. It's a weird bunch. I'm a member. You're a member. You also get fake members. Or, as I like to call them, wankers. These people are the ones who order the most expensive bottle of wine instead of the best. They are also convinced they know everything there is to know about food. Real members of the club (yes, that's me and you in case you haven't gathered so far) are aware that you can never know enough about food. There are always new techniques, trends, flavour combinations etc to learn. And what happens when you do discover something new? Well...it's a revelation of sorts. Last night, having a few drinks before eating at Bombay Brasserie, (review to follow) it happened to me.   

We'll get to that just now though. Let's first talk about the general vibe at Twankey Bar, on the corner of Wale and Adderley. As part of the Taj Hotel they have done well to create a separate entrance. So you don't feel like your sitting in a bar at a hotel. Nice. Inside the eye immediately takes in the beautiful marble bar. It's a beaut. There are raised, cushioned chairs instead of uncomfortable stools, lower versions, some leather wingbacks and one or two booths. The place is sexy but discreet at the same time. Like Mrs. Jackson who taught me Chemistry all those years. Annnnnyway...that's neither here nor there. What becomes quickly obvious at Twankey is the attention they have paid to the food. And in particular (and here comes my "light form the heavens" moment) the pairing of oysters with Guinness. Wow. I had never tried it but was instantly hooked. Something about the thick, velvety Guinness and the delicate oyster was..well..it was f-ing amazing. As explained by James, the food and beverage manager for The Taj, it is their intention to introduce this to as many people as possible. In fact - and don't tell him I told you this - if you go there right now and order oysters they bring you some Guinness. For free. To try. With the oysters. For free. With the oysters. 

The rest of the menu is vastly superior to any other pub fare I have seen in this country and had things like quail sitting happily next to chilli poppers. 

With Jack Black on tap and the entire &Union range proudly on display, you know where to find me on a Friday from now on. And Thursdays. Because it's Phuza Thursdays. Maybe Wednesdays. Because let's face it Wednesdays are the mini-Fridays. And Saturdays. (Did I mention there is a nice big TV showing sport?)  

With brilliant service, a winelist that clearly champions the little guy, a passionate manager and a vibe that generally just makes me feel skoochie inside, Twankey has jumped to my number 1 spot in terms of after work drinks. According to James they are going to be very strict on how many people they let in on a busy night. Just another reason to leave work early tomorrow. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

P.S. I did take more pics than this but I'm having some camera issues. I'll try and get them up tomorrow. 

Emily Moon - Date night

If you can find a restaurant more romantic than Emily's at Emily Moon River Lodge, just outside of Plett, I'd like to know about it. I'd also like you to take a photo of that parallel universe you live in and send it to over to planet Earth where I live. 

It might be the phenomenal views of the Bitou River. It might be the love letters featured in the menu design. It might be the collection of eclectic artifacts. It might be the weathered wooden sculptures and leather upholstery. It might be the fact that I'm generally tipsy when I arrive. I don't know what it is. But the whole vibe is magical. If ever you are looking to impress a date, this is the place. Honestly, I reckon Wayne Ferreira's ugly brother could seal the deal in there. There are loungers around the pool, tables on a balcony which are perfect for pre-drinks and a recently-completed shop in an upstairs room. Style drips from everywhere. 

I had doubts though, mostly because of a past experience with the chef. Stereotypical in his moodiness, the man seems to be unaware of how lucky he is to have such an amazing venue. Last year when The Queen (she was only a mere Princess at the time) and I were scouting for wedding venues we set up a meeting with him. You might not know this about me but I quite like food. So you can imagine how I felt when I told him what I was thinking for our menu and he simply said "that's not wedding food." Look, I am aware that fish and chips and bunny chows might not be for everyone but that's what we wanted. He should have been excited by something a bit different but instead we told him to piss off and found another venue. (One that made awesome fish and chips and a beautiful gourmet version of a bunny chow by the way!!!)

Anyway, back to the chef and back to Emily's. After firing a few questions at our waitress (very good by the way) it was pretty obvious that the chef in question had taken more of a management role and was not really in charge of the kitchen. Well, this was a bit of a blessing actually and the food we all enjoyed was better than I have ever had at Emily's! We started with a 24-piece sushi platter from the new sushi bar (yip, the most beautiful place in the country now has a sushi bar) and a goat's cheese and artichoke salad. The artichokes weren't fresh but the vinegar they were kept in actually worked brilliantly as a dressing. I'm not sure if they meant this but let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Fresh gooseberries married nicely and added necessary sweetness. The sushi was brilliant. Deep red tuna, clearly not frozen and the usual salmon roses, california rolls and nigiri. All good. And at R99, an absolute steal. 

For mains I had the linefish, which was the interesting Panga. Quite an unusual fish, and not seen on many menus, I would compare it to Red Mullet. Dusted and shallow-fried, it was exceptional. I also tasted delicious sirloin from Karan, which was a massive slab of meat. In fact, it was too big and after seeing the amount of fat that was left by The Dragon, the general consensus was why not just serve a smaller piece but with less fat? Surely a better idea? The Queen had a mussel and prawn pasta, baked in tinfoil. Good, but not excellent. For desserts I ended things off with an excellent creme brulee, perfect consistency of custard and a nice thin, crisp caramel.

Emily's. The most beautiful, romantic, gorgeous setting anywhere in the country. Now with a tapas menu, a sushi bar and some new energy in the kitchen. Let's hope the food starts doing the venue justice. So far, so good. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

  

The Ski Boat Club - Average. At best.

Whisperings were filtering through Plett about a place that served the best fish and chips in the area. Big call. Huge call actually when you consider The Deck, Emily Moon's, Enrico's, Off the Hook and...my house. I was told it was the choice of locals. That's normally a good sign. Unfortunately, Crocs are the footwear of choice for a lot of the locals. Ignoring this I went searching. I found the spot easily enough. It is on Main beach with a great view of the famous Beacon Isle. The only signage was a tatty sign that read "Ski Boat Club". Tatty is a word that describes pretty accurately the entire experience. 

Firstly, I'm all for a place that is cheap and cheerful. In fact, fish and chips taste best when served that way in my opinion. And that is what the Ski Boat Club offers. Tomato sauce from plastic red bottles. Proper vinegar. Tables made of pine wood. Walls made of pine wood. Actually, the entire place made was made of pine wood. You know the vibe. We were seated outside and if you could ignore the sunburnt poms and screaming kids (which I never can) things were pleasant enough. We ordered the fish and chips (what else would you order) and waited. And waited. And waited. After two polite enquiries the food arrived and part of me wish it hadn't. The batter was disturbingly yellow, a clear sign I told a by-now-horrified-Queen of the cleanliness of the oil it was cooked in.  Look, the fish beneath it was fresh at least and the chips were delicious. Luckily I had gone for grilled hake. Well, I say luckily but let's not get carried away. I spent a good amount of time pulling bones from my teeth. And not little bones. Like baby elephant tusks. The actual fish, when I found some, was good enough.

Worth a trip? Sure. For a beer in the sun and a meal to fill the gap. Best fish and chips in town? I hope not. The search continues.

Cheers,

Jamie Who 

The Queen's surprise birthday at Cheyne's

I was recently asked in an interview *ahem what my three favourite Cape Town restaurants were. The reason I'm telling you this is not only to let you know there is a very exciting feature about me coming out soon (including a steamy picture ladies) but also to let you know that one of the three restaurants I chose was Cheyne's, which I had the pleasure of enjoying again last week. See how elegantly and seamlessly I did that? Allowing me to flow into my next paragraph? Yeah, I know...

So last week I threw a surprise birthday party for The Queen. I had told her we were heading out for a quiet dinner and that we just needed to quickly drop something off at Cheyne's on the way. Well...having successfully managed to put together a dream team of 18 people (the whole place only takes 20) including Mouse, Long Distance, Pafoof, Mr & Mrs Awesome, Power, Icepick, Ledgie, Godmother E, Hotspur, The PR Ninja and more, the two of us walked in to find everyone waiting for us. They went bananas and I'm stoked to say my lovely was blown away. I had absolutely nailed it. The best was still to come though. The food...

Cheyne threw out a spread the likes of which must surely rate as some of the best chow I've had. Like...ever. He brought out platters and laid them out in the middle of the table for people to help themselves. To start there was salt-and-chilli squid, deep-red tuna tataki and a watermelon and duck salad. The mains were slow-roasted pork belly served with crackling (why more places don't do this I will never know), fillet with a pesto-style sauce, yellowfish and lamb cutlets. Dessert was the only thing dished up on individual plates but even they were made up of taste-size portions of different types. A delicate pear tarte tartin, cheesecake and airy chocolate mousse. My God. I almost started eating my cellphone halfway through this paragraph. 

The amount of food was actually more than we needed, the quality of EVERY SINGLE DISH was faultless and the style and vibe of the place is something 100% unique. In a nutshell, if you are looking for a place to have a function for up to 20 people you would be a fool not to have it at Cheyne's. Look at me...a fool. 

To get a quote (he can design a menu for whatever you are after) give him a call on (021) 422-3358. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Salt Deli & Vodka Bar - Tick

I appreciate anyone who opens a place with "vodka" and "deli' in the name. It's pretty ballsy and, even though the vodka bar hasn't opened yet, the restaurant aspect of the Salt Deli & Vodka Bar seems to be doing nicely. I checked it out for breakfast on Saturday. 

Occupying the space where Carlucci's used to be, Salt is done fairly simply using timber decking, screeded slate floors and an open, supermarket-style shelving layout to showcase the deli items. There is a funky stone bar, glass displays boasting fresh tarts and pastries, mounted bread cages and (the now standard) blackboards listing daily specials.

Having squashed a good trail run with Icepick that morning and with a debaucherous wedding planned that night, I was keen to keep it healthy. Something I was stoked to see was ostrich mince on toast - I went with rye.(R40). I dig mince on toast and the added health benefits of the ostrich sold me. The dish might not have been the prettiest to look at, but the seasoning was good enough and knowing how easy it is to dry out such a lean protein I think the chef did well. Pafoof had a bagel with smoked salmon, cream-cheese and capers (R45). Not exactly culinary genius but something I did enjoy was the fact that each component was brough in separate bowls, allowing a customer to add the amount they like (we all know making a bagel/sandwich is one of the most personal tasks around). The Queen went with an unusually dainty order of two poached eggs and fresh tomato on sourdough (R20 - steal). Again, the presentation impressed me as the eggs were served up in individual saucers. Little details yes, but that's what I love. Service throughout the meal was brilliant and some of the better tea I have recently enjoyed topped off a great breakfast.  

The lunch menu also sounded good with things like chicken and asparagus salad, stuffed aubergine, lamb pita and a game terrine on offer. There's also a nice selection of wines by the glass, suggesting this place could do well during lunchtime trade too. 

Recently chef Jacques de Jager joined the original Salt restaurant (located just across the road in The Ambassador Hotel) and with high expectations, Salt Deli seems to be an extension of the lofty goals the group obviously has. I personally can't wait for the upstairs champagne and oyster bar to open. 

Call them on (021) 439-3354. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who 

Jack Black and Brewers&Union - We Love Real Beer

I have written quite often on this page about how much I love Jack Black Beer. I've also mentioned how awesome Brewers & Union is for delicious chow and artisanal beer. Last night I went to the launch of a concept that sees these two teams collaborating on a very exciting idea. 

It's dubbed We Love Real Beer, and plans to showcase the microbreweries around the country (and continent). With mass-produced, chemically-enhanced stuff being the beer of choice for most people in this country, We Love Real Beer plans at setting up a platform for the little guys. The guys who truly care about their produce. The guys who use no additives or preservatives. The guys who brew their beer for longer. The passionate guys. 

Both Jack Black and Brewers&Union have realised how the marketing landscape has changed with the rise of social media. Everyone now has a voice and the consumers' is the loudest. With this in mind, their We Love Real Beer website is aimed at being an interactive way of bringing retailers, suppliers and consumers closer together. The vibe they are after is to get people to communicate where they go for a beer, what they drink, who they drink it with, how often they drink it etc. It's a very, very cool idea to gather information and use it constructively. 

The thing that really stood out for me last night was watching a Brewers&Union employee happily pouring me a Jack Black pint. In theory these guys are direct competitors, but they don't think like that. They have the bigger picture in mind and both are looking to do one thing: champion beer. Real beer. Made properly. It's that simple. If only other industries were this open minded. 

Their site is spanking new and at the moment there's not much to look at. But apparently they did that on purpose. Their theory? Beer needs to be the focus, not a pretty site with loads of worthless gimmicks. 

Watch out for Jack Black and CSG beers. They might cost a bit more but to me they represent amazing value for money. You need to remember value-for-money doesn't mean "cheap". It means VALUE FOR MONEY. 

Check out the www.weloverealbeer.com site 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Wild Woods - Can comfort food get any more comfortable

You know that restaurant that's warm and inviting, serves simple but tasty chow, good wine and local beer. You go there often. You call it your local. You pop in there for something quick and easy during the week but also for a lazy lunch on a Saturday or Sunday. You tell everyone how reasonably priced it is. Got it? Well Wild Woods, Pete Goffe-Wood's new venture in Hout bay, is that place. Only better. 

I went to check it out last night with Pafoof and The Dragon who were down from Joburg and was impressed. When you walk into Wild Woods, there is a window that allows you to see straight into the kitchen where Pete is hard at work. Up a few stairs and you know you're in a neighbourhood spot pretty quickly (I don't mean that in a bad way...it's more in reference to the relaxed vibe). There is a particularly inviting pub with two equally beautiful features taunting each other for pride of place. One is a gorgeous piece of Jamon ham. The other is a Jack Black tap. There is a mixture of some interesting light fixtures and a green mosaic feature wall behind the bar. The eating area leads onto a deck which boasts awesome views of Hout Bay. It's basic but nicely done. 

The menu at Wild Woods changes daily but retains most items. The style of the food is unashamedly bistro and concentrates on flavour and texture combinations more than frilly presentation or overly complicated cooking techniques. I was thrilled (like high-school girl waiting in line to see Twilight thrilled) to see hangar steak on the menu. The only restaurant in SA I've seen it at before was Carne. I explained it there but let me do it again for you. Hanger steak is found near the kidneys of the animal and as a result is dark and quite gamey. You don't see it too often because not too many people know how to cook it. Also, not too many people know how to eat it. You really do need to have it rare or maaaaaybe medium rare. If you cook it any longer it becomes way too tough. Anyway, last night I had it with roasted shallots, potatoes and spinach all served in a rich, dark jus. Fantastic, strong flavours. I started the meal off with some of the Jamon ham already mentioned. It was paired with nectarines and rocket and the clash between the salty ham and sweet fruit was perfect. I made sure to taste food from the plates around me and can confirm that the home-cured duck with figs, a salmon gravadlax, the yellowtail with new potatoes and the roast chicken breast with porcini mushrooms were all superb. (How confident do you have to be to put chicken breast on a menu?!) 

Look, the place has only been open for two weeks so there were always going to be a few teething problems but I expected that. The good news is that they arrived in the form of our waiter rather than the food. It wasn't through lack of trying either - the dude really was doing his best - but the language barrier was more Berlin Wall-ish in proportions. Shame, he battled with everything and we did wait too long for our food. As I mentioned though, these things can be fixed and I'm sure they will be with a bit of time.

Chatting to Pete he told me that he'd much rather have a restaurant full on a Wednesday night than a Saturday. He reckons those are the guys who will pop in once or twice a week regularly rather than the person who gets dolled up and treats Saturday night like a big occasion. Fair enough. My impressions were that the place is likely to be full on a Wednesday AND a Saturday night pretty soon. Everyone is going to want to call this place their local. 

Wild Woods is open for dinners (18h00 - 23h00) from Tuesday to Sunday but the bar opens at 16h00. On Saturdays and Sundays they serve lunch from 12h00 to 15h00. Call them on (021) 971-1166. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

AlcoFree Feb - For South Africans Against Drunk Driving

My general response to anyone mentioning a "detox month" has in the past been to stick my fingers in my ears and run away screaming. So you can imagine how much thought I've given to what I am about to announce:

I will not be boozing for the month of February. 

Let.

It. 

Sink.

In. 

But wait, let's explore what on earth would make me feel like I need to do this. The answer is...I'm doing it for a good cause. You see, there is a charity set up which is aimed at promoting awareness for the South Africans Against Drunk Driving campaign. Now, I'm not going to get all high and mighty and start preaching about how bad South Africans are with drinking and driving but I honestly do believe we must be one of the worst countries in the world when it comes to this. In London or Australia if you have a glass of wine or two at lunch they call you a taxi. It might seem silly but that's how it should be done. In South Africa it's not uncommon to check someone drink his own bodyweight in brandy and then drive himself home. But as I said, this isn't a lecture. It's more about championing what I feel is a great idea. You donate R50 to sign up and here is the best part: YOU CAN THEN BUY DAYS YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DRINK ON FOR R20! 

"So Jamie, you can cheat?" 

Damn right you can. The way I see it, the more you cheat the more money you donate so it's win/win. Look, I'm going to try and hold out for as long as possible but with The Big Man's wedding to C-Dog and The Queen's birthday (not to mention So-So also having a birthday and no less than three more weddings this month) I'm bound to fall off the wagon once or twice. The beauty with this campaign is that you're allowed to. All it costs is R20 a pop. 

For more info log onto http://www.alcofreefeb.co.za/

It's going to be bloody hard but let's stay strong together people. Safety in numbers. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

La Bottega - I'm happy enough

They haven't exactly re-invented the culinary wheel there, but La Bottega has definitely added value to the ever-improving Woodstock restaurant scene. (Remembering Superette and The Kitchen)

Set in Buchanan Square (opposite Banks) the decor is the (cliched?) exposed bricks mixed with more modern materials like steel and wooden decking. A blackboard lists the specials which I'm told change every day or two. What is not a cliche, however, is the enthusiasm the owners bring to the place. We were greeted, sat and partly served by one of them who looked unbelievably young. I'm pretty sure if he walked out of his bar and into another one he might be asked for ID. The pride for his restaurant was there for everyone to see though and I'm always impressed by that. He took us through the menu which is basic and Italian in origin. The focus is on ciabatta (which they bake daily), pizza, pasta and salad. I was impressed to see things like marinated artichokes, roasted peppers, high-quality mozzarella and pork loin featuring. My lunch was good enough - fresh ingredients and well seasoned but to be honest it's not somewhere you go for a fine-dining experience. It's chilled. The waiter called me bru and openly perved my car. That's the vibe there. The owner (Alistair by the way) was wearing a baseball cap and doing it unapologetically, which I actually liked. They're not being arrogant but they certainly know what they are all about. 

I was busy thinking how much I HATE bedouin tents (they have a huge orange one covering their awesome deck) when I heard Alistair telling another table how it is only temporary and they plan to build something more permanent. When they do, I can see this place becoming very popular for after-work drinks. He tells me they already heave on a Friday. What they do is put bowls of free food out (free bowls guys...like free bowls) and only ask customers to pay for drinks. You buy a R100 booklet which gets you 7 drinks. Bloody hell that's a good deal. No wonder it already heaves. 

Give them a call on (021) 461-9731. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

The Roundhouse - pleasure and pain in one weekend

Regular readers will know by now that The Roundhouse in Camps Bay is one of my favourites. Everything they do there is class. Breakfast on a Saturday morning dealing with a hangover? Let's try the scrambled eggs with salmon trout. Formal dinner with the boss? I'll have the roasted scallops with cauliflower caramel please. Quick lunch? Try the roasted bone marrow with oxtail marmalade. You get the point. There's also a picnic they can throw together for you with amazing tapas and a bottle of Villiera bubbly. So when I found out about their Friday afternoon "drinks and snacks after work" vibe - that's not the official name in case you were wondering - I was always going to be there. Except for not being able to get my hands on a Jack Black, I wasn't disappointed. 

What they do on a Friday afternoon is offer the tapas/picnic/chilled menu on their grass lawns. There is a DJ playing chilled background music, waiters and waitresses fetching your drinks for you and a view that could make Zeus weep. If you don't start going there then good. More for me. Booking is essential so plan ahead. If you don't you can always take a seat on their terrace though which is also cool. 

On Sunday I had an altogether different Roundhouse experience. They say dynamite comes in small packages. If by dynamite they mean torturer and small packages they mean lycra then they are absolutely right. You see, I had signed up for their Bootcamp Breakfast. How it works is you pay R150 and you are then put through a hectic workout for an hour before being served a health breakfast. Again, it was extremely well done. Our torturer's name was Jenny and she proceeded to put me and The Queen through our paces until we could hardly stand. Various cardio excercises were mixed in with some strength stuff and it all ended up with a little mini trail-run through The Glen. Working out outdoors is special and the views of Camps Bay definitely eased the pain a bit. Breakfast afterward may not sound exciting (muesli and yoghurt with fruit and fresh orange juice) but true to form it is better than anything in its category. Homebaked with cinnamon and dried cranberries and served with plenty of banana, kiwi fruit, apples, raspberries and blueberries it tasted awesome. As does any meal when you feel like you've earned it. 

Get hold of The Roundhouse to book for either of these very different experiences on (021) 438-4347. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Cafe Chic - Lots and lots of work to do

I went for drinks at The Roundhouse on Friday afternoon and bumped into a friend who works for Eat Out magazine. She asked where I was going for dinner and when I told her Cafe Chic she said, without hesitating for a second, "Oooooh, I've heard only bad things." Seriously. I tried to explain to her that she could have at least sugar-coated it for me a little bit but she was pretty relentless. She was even a little bit smug about the fact that she was off to The Bombay Bicycle Club. It seemed we had entered into some kind of "dinner-off" and I told her I was confident my meal would be better. Well...I was wrong. Cafe Chic was a massive let down. I must concede defeat on this one. 

The dinner started off well-enough. We arrived at a beautiful venue and were given a quick tour of the place, which consists of a few houses that have been bought, re-zoned and converted into several rooms offering different things. There's a formal dining room with beautiful pressed ceilings and wooden flooring, a whiskey bar, a breakfast or "sun lounge" and a Moroccan tented area where tapas are served. We had a few drinks in the bar before we took our seats at our table and as I paged through the bar list I began to get more and more anxious. You see...a lot of thought has gone into that menu. Like...A LOT of thought. Too much perhaps. There are loads of different cocktails, divided into normal booze and premium brand categories, there are several different variations of whiskey, from Scottish to Irish to American. There's bourbon. There's vodka in several flavours and prices. And then there's the bubbly and wine which boasts the most expensive and luxurious brands around. So..basically the more I read the more I began to worry that Cafe Chic is a bar and not a restaurant. A hunch that would later prove to be absolutely spot-on. 

Anyway, after drinks we took our seat at our table. Long-Distance and Mouse had joined us and our table of four doubled the amount of people in the room. Seriously, there were 8 people having dinner. Not a good sign. To start I had a prawn ravioli which had fresh, plump prawns cooked well but unfortunately in a casing of stodgy, heavy pasta. Others ordered a ceviche which was ok but strangely complicated with unnecessary ingredients like almonds. A ceviche - to me - should be a celebration of the fish, but in this case it was overshadowed with other flavours. The last starter was a salmon and potato dish which was decent enough but a bit bland. 

For mains, I had a ribeye steak. When it was placed in front of me I saw a grey piece of meat the size and thickness of my palm. You might be surprised by what happened next. I tasted it and it tasted shit. Seriously, it was awful. Overcooked and under-seasoned. The other mains were a rack of lamb on butternut, pork-belly and monkfish (which I was excited to see) and were also distinctly unimpressive. 

Cafe Chic prides itself on their Patisserie section which is a selection of freshly baked pastries and sweets so I was hoping dessert could salvage something from the night. I was badly wrong again. Mouse and I had their "selection of pastries" which allows you to choose three bite-sized pastries from their selection. These were probably the best part of the meal - the pecan nut pie was good and the chocolate torte was rich and decadent. The Queen's dessert was, unfortunately, laughable. She ordered a rum baba. A rum baba is a traditional small spongy cake that is soaked in rum. Sometimes there will be a syrup made from rum, sugar and water. The cake is often filled with cream. So...it sounds pretty delicious right? Well, what she got was a piece of sponge with a blob of cream on it swimming in a little pool of rum. I'm not sure what they were thinking. Maybe Jack Sparrow could've eaten it but nobody at our table could even stomach a bite. There was enough rum on the plate to get the entire restaurant hammered.

Our waiter was a bit of a shining light and his knowledge of wines was phenomenal. In Cafe Chic's defense he did explain to us that the new chef had started on Monday and was busy "re-working" the menu. I'm not sure that was the problem though. I think Cafe Chic needs to decide what it wants to be. At the moment all they want to be is posh (as highlighted by the R10 000 cocktail which includes Moet, Hennesey and a diamond bracelet). 

You might not think it from this review but Cafe Chic has lots of potential. They just need to spend a bit more time sourcing ingredients that are seasonal and designing a menu that is less pretentious. If they can find a balance between bar and restaurant they will be ok. If not, this place will become somewhere to go for drinks. Not for food. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Vaudeville - Fantasy world of wonder

I've got a feeling Vaudeville is going to make lots of cash. Which is a good thing considering how much they must've spent on drugs when conceptualising the place. Honestly, it's pretty crazy. The first thing I saw when I arrived on Friday night to celebrate Squeeze's birthday with her and Hotspur was a French poodle the size of a baby giraffe. It was wearing a nappie. So now you're starting to get the picture? 

The vibe here is that you pay R350 and get a three course dinner plus a show. And what a show. I can't remember everything perfectly (probably owing to their "house speciality shooter" which is cinnamon and orange infused tequila) but I do recall a woman with six boobs, two juggling midgets, a group of singing and dancing girls in black catsuits, a chick with a flaming hula-hoop, a Romanian bodybuilder, a couple of B-Boys, an eccentric English dude who climbed curtains and a penguin who was the but of all the jokes. I also had some major issues with the face that was being projected onto a giant white balloon behind me. To be honest it scared the pants off me. It should probably be mentioned that by now I was dressed like Che Guevara. What, you find that strange? Well, that's just how it works in there. You see, there's a stand where you go and buy various hats/wigs/feathers/eye-patches etc. to kind-of get in the swing of things. It really is an incredible thing to see so many people checking their inhibitions at the door and just enjoying a bit of escapism. 

The food is provided by DISH catering. Starters were various salads and dips, mains were a choice of either salmon ravioli, beef short-rib or a vegetarian tart. A chocolate torte rounded it off. The starters were really good and so was the beef but The Queen's salmon was disappointingly bland and had far too much dill in it. In the name of journalism I ordered the vegetarian tart which was a good combination of gorgonzola and caramelised onion. It was well-seasoned with a good pastry. The dessert was actually seriously good and the mascarpone ice-cream deserves a mention. But let's be honest, when you've got rich velvet everywhere, a variety of crazy costumes at every table, fake clouds dotted around the room and waitresses wearing red corsets the food isn't really the centre of attention. 

We went to The Fez afterwards (entrance is included in the R350) to spank a plank but ended up laughing at the...how do I say this nicely...older generation who had clearly been planning their big night out for some time. It was pretty cool seeing them let their hair down and my word they didn't disappoint. It was priceless. 

This thing is one of those events you have to go to. It is a surreal, weird, cool sensory overload and you can't help but enjoy yourself.  Stepping into that place really is like enjoying a few hours in some kind of trippy fantasy world. Apparently you need to book quite a long way in advance so give them a call on 086 178 7797. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Bramon - Cheeky or brilliant?

I have written before about the awesome Bramon Wine Estate just outside of Plett. I still find something outrageously cool about the fact that you can leave the beach and be sipping bubbly 20 minutes later in the middle of a vineyard with beautiful views of the Outeniqua Mountains. On my last visit The Queen (then merely The Princess) and I quaffed some bubbly and were so impressed we ended up getting some for our wedding. This time round was a different celebration...my birthday. This time we were going not only to drink (although we would be doing plenty of that by the way), we were going to check out the menu. 

At a long table literally in between the vineyards sat a hilarious crew made up of Pocket Rocket, Justice, Vin D, Shmici, Godmother E, Hotspur, Pafoof, The Bear, The Dragon and The Queen. The bubbly flowed and the menus were presented. Interesting. Basically, it's a selection of different tapas that you eat with freshly baked bread. The bread itself was amazing and we were presented with hummus, caprese salads, rocket pesto, smoked salmon, pickled mackerel, olives, peppered beef and more. The first thing I noticed is that I had bought suspiciously similar produce from a deli in Plett. I eventually asked our waiter (an absolute beauty by the way - obviously a stoner) about this and he unapologetically told me that they buy the stuff from the deli too. "So..." I asked our boy "What do you guys actually cook here?" I was not really prepared for the response. "Nothing." So..in a nutshell they buy the produce and bake some bread. I'm not even sure if they do that to be honest. I was seriously pissed off until someone told me maybe I should just appreciate how clever that actually is. I suppose it is but I was still left with a horrible taste in my mouth. 

The real highlight was still to come. Before I tell you about it let's play a game. Suppose you are a waiter and someone gives you what is obviously a surprise birthday cake. What is the worst thing you could do with that cake? Answer: Drop it on the kitchen floor. That's exactly what happened folks. But get this...keeping with our game, if you were the waiter who dropped what IS OBVIOUSLY A SURPRISE CAKE what is the worst way to handle the situation. Answer: Announce to the table that you have dropped the cake. Surely pulling aside someone and explaining the situation is better? Surely trying to actually make something edible in a restaurant is better? One would think so. Eventually the manager brought us some chocolate truffles as compensation. The first one was good, the second was really good. We began feeling sick by the fourth but ate about 8 each out of spite. To their credit they brought a few shooters and comped a bottle of bubbly. Not a bad recovery I guess. 

We left with opinion very much divided. Some thought Bramon's idea of simply unpacking food and re-presenting it was cheeky and cheap. Others thought it was business-savvy and brilliant. One thing I can say is their bubbly is delicious and the setting is beautiful. At least we all agreed on that. 

Give them a call on 044534 8007

Cheers,

Jamie Who 

La Boheme - Best value for money in Cape Town. Fact.

I wrote a nice little entry here about my review for La Boheme that made its way into Men's Health. They asked me to write 100 words on "The best restaurant in Cape Town if you didn't receive a Christmas bonus." I chose La Boheme. Anyway, I scanned the article and tried to drop it in but I was having no joy. (My technical skills - unlike my palette and my eyes - are unimpressive.) So....I'm going to have to re-write it. The whole thing. All 100 words. That's going to take like...7 minutes. I swear the sacrifices I make for you guys... 

Okay, without any more waffling, here it is: my take on La Boheme, word-for-word as it appears in this month's Men's Health. 

What makes La Boheme so cool is that it they aren't trying too hard. With an open-plan kitchen, a couple of black-and-white prints hanging on the wall, cases of microbrewery-style Brewers & Union beer as decor and bistro-styled food packed with flavour, they've got a good vibe going. Expect stuff like slow-roasted, pork belly, fillet with mushrooms risotto and beef carpaccio with caperberries. It's simple, honest food. And did I mention more than 60 wines available by the glass? Yes please. With pavement seating perfect for people watching and an owner who oozes pride for his restaurant you'd be a fool not to check it out. R85 gets you two courses and R105 gets you three. An absolute steal. 

So there it is dudes. I went and had a good night. So should you. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Bistro sixteen82 - Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

A while ago I wrote about the new restaurant - called Bistro sixteen82 - that was due to open on Steenberg wine estate. Last week I attended the launch and unfortunately had to leave very suddenly due to an emergency. I had to set down my second glass of their 1682 Brut MCC without even taking a sip so you must understand it really was an emergency. Anyway, before I left I did have time for a quick walk through and was extremely impressed with the vibe. The vibe is my sort of vibe. It's your sort of vibe. Hell, it's our sort of vibe. So I thought it was only fair that I cruised in for lunch on Sunday. Just to let you guys know what it was like. As I sat there, sipping a glass of their Sauvignon Blanc and taking in the view I realised how much I do for you guys. 

They have spared no expense with the decor. Harsh materials like glass, steel, aluminium and concrete are contrasted with natural, raw textures like driftwood, stone and timber. There are massive glass doors which fold and stack away to reveal what is surely one of the best settings in the whole of Cape Town. Rim-flow pools, with tables that are actually cut into the water features, really do make for a pretty special place. There is a path that guests can walk on to appreciate different viewpoints of the vineyards. The feature piece of the restaurant though is surely the massive lighting fixture hanging above their main bar. Loads - and I mean LOADS - of individually made glass balls have been painted in the colours to reflect grapes (that's red and green guys) and hang above a stark white bar which stands out beautifully against the dark colours of the rest of the restaurant. This place also has the best bathrooms I've seen in a while. Funky prints of close-up vineyards serve as wallpaper, the finishes are modern and clean and there are fresh, individual hand-towels. Do you guys also judge a place by its bathrooms? You should. 

What's that? Do they serve food? Very funny. Now go make me a smoothie. 

The restaurant is not open for dinners and closes at 8pm. As well as breakfast and lunch they will serve tapas from 5 - 7:30. They look pretty good with things like grilled octopus, whitebait and chorizo featuring. A little taste of Spain coming through nicely. Another cool feature is their Raw Bar where they will be serving...say it with me guys...raw stuff. So expect delicious charcuterie boards, cured salmon, ceviche, tartare, carpaccios, gravadlax, oysters, sashimi etc.

Back to the lunch I had there with The Bear and The Princess. I ordered the seared scallops with asparagus as a starter while the other two shared a duck salad. My starter was light and clean with the plumpest scallops I have eaten for a while. The duck salad was good too, with a nice smokiness. For mains The Bear enjoyed a steak roll and chips. This might sound like pub food, but the bowl of deliciously rich jus that it was served with made it far more advanced than that. The Princess enjoyed her main of mussels in a saffron cream but mentioned the actual amount of meat in the mussels was a bit disappointing. (I told you, she's a bit fussy). My main of beef tataki was incredible but absolutely tiny. Like, teeny tiny. I honestly reckon it should be twice the size to be considered a main. Dressed with ginger, radish, chilli and soy it was brilliantly seasoned but just not enough! We also nailed a bottle of Steenberg Sauvignon Blanc for only R50. Bloody hell. I though they were taking the piss. Luckily I had to get going because if I sat there all day paying cellar prices things could've gone wrong quite quickly...

All things considered Bistro sixteen82 is a show-stopper. Phenomenal views. Spectacular setting. A great menu. A talented chef (Brad Ball, previously of Olympia Cafe and The River Cafe). My only concern is that it becomes too touristy. But hey, if that's the biggest fault I could find with the place it must be a pretty good spot. Look, it helps that I can get hammered and stumble down the road to our house, but I would recommend this to anyone looking to enjoy a long, lazy, boozy lunch.  

Phone them to book a table on (021) 713-2211.

Cheers,

Jamie Who

P.S. How cool is it to write an article, and then tag it Cape Town AND winelands? Hey? Jeez I love this city. 

The Roundhouse breakfast/lunch menu - A huge hit

I know I've written about The Roundhouse before but my visit on Saturday was basically like going to a different restaurant so I don't feel bad about throwing in a second review. Last time I went with Long Distance and Mouse and enjoyed a beautiful dinner. Coincidentally it was the same two who joined me for breakfast this time round.

Every now and then I have one of those "I'm so lucky to be living in Cape Town" moments. Sometimes the moment comes when I'm running on a dirt-track way above Kirstenbosch and I look down at the world's most beautiful city. Sometimes it comes when I drive over Kloof Neck and get the first glimpse of Camps Bay. The moment can come walking Elvis through the leafy southern suburbs, or it can come driving past the winefarms in Stellenbosch. On Saturday, when I sat down at a table on The Roundhouse's terrace, I had one of those moments.

The view is ridiculous.

Let's get into the food quickly before I get a bit carried away with how amazing the setting is. The vibe here is that they bring you a "checklist" as a menu. You then just tick the box next to what you want and write down how many of that item you fancy. Cutlery and crockery are in a picnic basket next to you for when you need them. I spoke to the host and he explained the idea was that he didn't want waitors and waitresses bothering people every few seconds. He just wanted guests to relax. That said, the service was incredible. I wrote last time I was here that I thought it was the best in the country and I'm sticking with that. If you need anything, you just wave your hand and someone comes immediately.

To eat, I had scrambled eggs with smoked trout. Delicious. Others had french toast with a berry compote (real, fresh berries) and the eggs benedict. After a morning of exercise we weren't quite done, so we shared a sticky bun and a walnut-and-banana muffin from the table of baked goods. I rounded things off wih a virgin mary that was perfectly seasoned and balanced. Teas and coffees are from Origin, which is also worth mentioning.

I've got to say, this meal was one of my best of the year. Super-chilled vibe, incredible food and something a bit different. I will be back very soon I reckon.

And get this, they also have breakfast and picninc hampers for R500. They serve 4 people and include a bottle of bubbly. I promise you, next time it's a nice day you should get involved. Either sit on the teraace like we did or enjoy a little boozy picnic. It could be worse. In fact, I'm willing to bet you'll have one of those Cape Town moments.

Cheers,

Jamie Who

The Greenhouse - Two thumbs way, way up

The Liz McGrath consists of three hotels: The Marine in Hermanus, The Cellars-Hohenort in Cape Town and The Plettenberg in...Plettenberg Bay. They have recently brought in Peter Tempelhoff as group executive chef and he has redone the menus of the hotel's restaurants. On Saturday night I celebrated a special occasion by taking The Dragon to The Greenhouse which is at The Cellars Hohenort. Shall we..?

Firstly, I would highly recommend arriving for any booking early to take a walk around the hotel's gardens, and quietly laugh at how ridiculously beautiful this city we call home actually is. As well as the beautiful flowers you can stop and appreciate the vegetable garden. There is something awesome and comforting knowing that ingredients you see on a menu were picked a few metres away. 

After we had perved Mother Nature for about half an hour we took a seat in the hotel's bar, Martini. The decor is a lot funkier than you would expect - oversized lamps, quirky wallpaper, polka-dot-prints on upholstered wing-back chairs etc - and it reminded me a lot of Planet Bar at The Mount Nelson. (Remember that place? Friday nights there were mental at one stage.) I had a dirty Martini which was superb and was more-than-impressed with the "canapes" that were offered. White tomato soup, crumbed goat's cheese and the smallest chicken kebabs I have ever seen. Honestly, making them must have been a job reserved for a special kind of asshole. Someone who had pissed the head chef off badly. 

I had a quick look at the menu but already knew what I was there for. With another mountain run with The Gym Nazi that morning under my belt I wasn't settling for anything less than the 7 course tasting menu. And yes, I was going to pair it with wine. The pain in my legs every time I stood up told me I had earned it. Now, I could go on and on and on and on about the food but I will try and keep it quick. I will say, however, that the entire experience (and the food in particular) was way more impressive than my visit to Roots. (here)

So what did we eat and drink? Let's have a look:

• Carpaccio of tuna and perlemoen with pickled radish, wasabi, soya caviar and yuzu marinade. Served with 2005 Klein Constantia estate brut mcc. What a start! The dish was delicate and elegant, qualities that were both exaggerated by the presentation on a solid slab of glass. 
• Terrine of South African game. Served with 2000 Nederburg auction reserve special late harvest. Probably my favourite dish. A generous portion complimented by the sweetness of baby beetroot and carrots. The wine pairing worried me when I saw it but it worked out brilliantly. 
• Cape Malay langoustine & pork belly. Served with 2005 Klein Constantia riesling. The only disappointment of the evening. It looked great, but the pork was over-seasoned and dry. The langoustine was good but not amazing. 
• Rooibos espresso granite. As far as palette cleansers go, this is one of the most memorable I have had. Like...ever. A great change from sorbet. 
• Beef fillet with seared foie gras, celeriac and local mushrooms. Served with 2007 Herold pinot noir. I remember the menu saying something about "pinotage pearls" with this dish. They were rich, caviar-sized balls and were phenomenal. I have never seen them before and I loved them. A really nice touch. The fillet was slightly tougher than I expected, but the flavour was better than most so I was happy. It was my first encounter with Herold and I really enjoyed it. Apparently the farm is somewhere near George?
• The next dish came from a cheese trolley which was wheeled to our table. Adding a bit of theatre, our waitress sliced the various cheeses and presented them with figs and walnuts. I can't even pretend to remember all the varieties but there were about 8, including blue cheese, goat's cheese, parmesan, red sage and camembert. The portions they gave us were fu*king massive and I didn't even finish half of it. I enjoyed every bite though. 
• The finale arrived in the form of a chocolate gateaux with espresso syrup and mint jelly. The wine was their own...a 2007 vin de hohenort. The gateaux was moist and rich and the wine impressed me. 

The meal was R550/head including wine. Without the wine it's R350/head. With the quality of ingredients, and the style of food, with this setting, I reckon that's bloody good value. For birthdays, anniversaries, dinners-with-the-boss, or if you just feel like a good spoil this is the place. I am a fan. 

Visit them at The Cellars-Hohenort Hotel in Brommersvlei Road, or call them on (021) 794 2137.

Cheers,

Jamie Who

P.S. I forgot to mention the service which was top-drawer. True, I probably should have worked that into the article instead of tacking it on the end but...well...I didn't. 

Sandbar - A nice change-up

I was supposed to drive through to Stellenbosch on Sunday for brunch but through a complicated, strange twist of events (I decided not to) I ended up at Sandbar in Camps Bay. Pafoof and The Monkey Whisperer were down from Jozi and I wanted to show them the famous strip on what was supposed to be a beautiful morning. Now, I always feel a bit strange being in Camps Bay and not at Caprice. It's like cheating on your girlfriend. But...I was keen to try something different so we settled in at the perfect outside table. 

The breakfast menu at Sandbar displays that little extra effort that I always look for. Sure, it's got the usual suspects but it also has things like ciabatta topped with spinach, feta, chilli and two poached eggs. It's got killer omelettes, a wide range of croissants, french toast and some healthier options like mixed nuts, yoghurt and berries. Having gone for a mountain run with The Gym Nazi - and with a day of work still ahead of me - I knew the healthy vibe was not really going to cut it. I had earned something a bit more spectacular. I had earned the bacon, brie and rocket omelette. Let me tell you, it was pretty awesome. Maybe the bacon could have been a bit crispier? The others had French toast (decent), and poached eggs on rye (not bad) but nothing really compared to my showstopper. Coffee was from Origin (spectacular) and the juice was freshly squeezed.  

One thing I have to mention is the service. I have previously written about my experience at Roots and the way that the chef's apology and manner in which he handled a mistake was so refreshing (http://jamiewhatshisname.blogspot.com/2009/08/roots-tough-one-for-me.html)

Well, on Sunday we ordered and hadn't really even been waiting that long. Next thing, the owner comes over and apologises prefusely for the wait. She explained there had been a mix-up at the pass and our order had been delayed. We said it wasn't a problem but she insisted that all our drinks were comped. I was amazed. If only every restaurant had standards that high...

Sandbar offers salads, wraps and more substantial meals as the day unwinds. You could do worse than catching a light lunch, smoothie or a cocktail there in summer - fresh off the beach. Yes please. I dig the pavement seating too. Caprice will still dominate the strip this summer but for a change-up Sandbar is a good call. 

Give them a call on (021) 438-8336 or check them out on www.sandbar.co.za 

Cheers,

Jamie Who

Caveau - Happy 5th birthday, I look forward to the next 5!

Lovelies, I write to you today through a hazy headache that could kill a small donkey. The throbbing pain is courtesy of the boys at Caveau and their 5th birthday which they celebrated last night. 

I could not believe the spread that was laid on for us. 20 wineries pouring generously the whole night and buckets of Grolsch wherever you looked. Basically, you couldn't stay sober. Not that we tried. 

And the food! Holy sh*t, the food. Salmon blinis, steamed mussels, sushi, pork belly, chicken satays, prawns, sausages with mustard, chicken wraps, lamb samoosas, spanakopita and of course their famous beef fillet cubes with bearnaise sauce. And desserts. White chocolate and dark chocolate brownies, mini eclairs and Lindt fountains. It was honestly a joke. 

Caveau is one of my favourite restaurants in the country. The food is consistently high, the winelist is the best I have seen anywhere and the hospitality is always amazing. The hosts, Jean and Brendon are always around and aren't shy of getting their hands dirty. (Just allow time for Brendon to roll up his Fabiani sleeves.) The menu changes daily according to what is fresh and there is a separate tapas menu which is perfect to pair up with after-work drinks. 

They are open in Heritage Square (92 Bree Street) in town and Josephine's Mill (13 Boundary Road) in Newlands. Give them a call on (021) 422-1367 and (021) 685-5140 respectively. 

Cheers,

Jamie Who